“Hi, my name is Susan and I’m an empath.”
February 1, 2022
If there were a support group for empaths, I’d be there!
Of course, the group would be created with boundaries like a defined location, a defined meeting time, and defined roles and responsibilities. Boundaries — the very thing that empaths struggle to create and hold.
I came into this world able to feel and see other people’s energy but I didn’t know this as a child. I didn’t know how to put this into words and I didn’t know that other people didn’t experience life this way.
Most days, I felt overwhelmed and anxious especially when I had to be around other people.
Now that I know what I know, I understand that as a child I merged with other people’s emotions and energy. At the time, I didn’t know I was doing this. The overwhelm and anxiety came from feeling their feelings and it was too much for my little self. Thus, I did what made the most sense at the time — I hid away from other people as much as possible.
As a little bitty girl, this often took the form of hiding behind my father’s legs when we were at church or at gatherings with extended family. Once I was old enough to be outside in the yard by myself, I spent as much time as I could outside with the plants and animals in the yard.
I have a vivid memory of being about 8 years old and pretending that I was a scientific explorer. Our backyard was dotted with loblolly pine trees that grew straight towards the sky. That summer, the cicadas molted and left their exoskeleton shells clinging to the thick scales of bark on the loblollies. Once these caught my eye, I pulled them off one by one until I had a shoebox full of amber-colored, crunchy cicada ‘ghosts’. That shoe box sat on the shelf in my bedroom next to the egg carton containing my rock collection. Both of these a testament to my comfort being in and exploring the natural world, a comfortable place where overwhelm and anxiety melted away.
Time outside exploring on a trail, in a garden, at a beach, or on a bike ride have always been my preferred solace from the overwhelm of interactions with people. However, life calls upon me to interact with people. The very work I do is all about supporting and helping fellow humans. As well, I need to interact in order to be in my marriage with my husband, to have fulfilling friendships and family relations, and to negotiate the purchase of goods I need at the stores where I shop.
For much of my childhood, these interactions were a source of significant stress, anxiety, and turmoil. Gradually, I learned how to construct boundaries so that I could successfully enjoy interacting. The boundaries helped me to stop feeling other people’s emotions and energy. Now, I can feel them the way that empathy calls for us to, when the situation is appropriate. Now, I can be out in public and not absorb other people’s pain and anguish. I have a clear sense of where my energy field ends and where yours begins.
Recently, I had a significant need to zero in on my ability to craft and hold boundaries in my life. I dubbed myself a “Badass Boundary Boss” as a way to keep myself confident and motivated. As an intense “feeler” I can be swept away in the current of helping friends, family, and clients without a sense of time limits. Minutes turn into hours and I lose all track of time when someone needs me. In 2021, I realized that in order to build and grow my new healing business, Love ~ Heal ~ Grow, I had to grow myself in the area of crafting loving boundaries. I am here writing this blog post today because of the work I did to create structure around my time and energy.
Boundaries provide us with edges. Edges are helpful to knowing where something ends and something else begins, whether that be our energy, our time, our projects, our self-care, or our physical space.
Boundaries help create containers. Within those containers we can complete an important project or we can spend time with a friend, we can take care of ourselves, or we can hold our physical belongings.
When we do not have effective ways to craft and hold boundaries, we resort to unhealthy and ineffective ways that are eventually detrimental to us. Ones that I am familiar with are hiding away and avoidance. I’ve seen other people become angry and judgmental. Judging others serves to keep us separate from them, effectively creating a boundary. We also may use unhealthy ways to cope with the uncomfortable feelings that result from little to no boundaries. We may self-medicate the anxiety, depression, anger, and guilt with food, alcohol, tobacco, and other substances.
I can confidently tell you that with a practice to have clear, loving boundaries, my life feels smoother and more even. I feel more confident and empowered. And, best of all, I feel like I have even more value and love to offer my family, friends, and clients than I ever did before. It was not easy work to navigate and implement ways to have better boundaries which is why I want to help others with this. I want to offer you an easier path where possible.
If there were a support group for empaths, I’d close today’s meeting by telling you all how much I enjoyed being with you and that I hope you can find your way to crafting loving boundaries in your life so that you feel more solid, whole, and confident! Then, I’d walk out and go find a trail, a beach, or a meadow to wander around in!
Namaste’,
Susan
Learn more about my Crafting Loving Boundaries Course by clicking here.
